Divulgence

When dealing with interpersonal relationships, we have two choices:

1) To deliberately hold back information to keep the other party interested, ensuring they stay on our little string and gradually reveal bits and pieces.

2) To be open/ honest and reveal our true selves without hesitation.

By holding back and disclosing information on a ‘need to know’ basis we are essentially denying the other party the chance to get to know us better.  To illustrate with a simple metaphor – I have a cube. Now, I show you this cube in such a way that you see it directly from a single face. Naturally, you will perceive it as being a ‘square.’ But because I haven’t showed you the whole cube as it is, you will not recognise that it is a cube, rather, merely a square.

Returning to how this is interpreted: by deliberately sharing only a trickle of information, we are condemning ourselves to a life characterised by relationships that are shallow and unfulfilling. Think about it, you are a ‘cube’, and there is a person you fancy, whom may well be searching for a ‘cube’ partner. If you restrict information, this potential love will pass you by because they will see you as a ‘square,’ which isn’t what they are looking for. Yes, there is the prospect that if this person got to know you better, then they may see you for the ‘cube’ that you are, but notwithstanding, as we all know a first impressions tend to stick, and further, if everyone spent time trying to get to deeply know everyone else, most would never find love, period.

Being open and honest about who you are yields a much better hit rate for forming strong and enduring relationships based on true personalities rather than the ‘lies’ based on the mere snippets of ourselves most of us choose to divulge.

As to the issue of being open about oneself being an exposure of vulnerabilities and hence a depiction of weakness, this is a truth, but not absolutely so. Through either a life changing experience or enormous conscientious effort, there is the ability to assume the ideology of a post-conventionalist. Of the attributes this entails is separation from and aversion to self-indulgent emotions such as anger, stress and depression. They are able to see life for what it is and are hence confident and secure to the point where they can comfortably reveal themselves, their emotions and their weaknesses openly, and actually feel stronger for it. Contrary to what logic may construe, it is indeed possible to be both strong and weak simultaneously.

Post-conventionalism is very rare as it entails a high degree of understanding and is a difficult state to attain because it requires complete decoupling from the normal paradigm to rise to a deeper understanding of humans, society and life. With reference to the fear of death, post-conventionalists also recognize death as inevitable but do not fear it. Why? Because they recognise that life is a gift, and that by making the most out of it, enjoying its experiences, forming good relationships and deriving happiness, we have accomplished our mission, thus assuaging the sting of death anxiety.

~ by X on July 8, 2005.